The Five Stages of Ketogenic Grief

with apologies to Elizabeth Kubler Ross….. 

Stage 1: Denial

What do you mean, changing my diet to law-carb is going to help me lose weight? Or reduce my diabetes? You must be high. What about the food pyramid? And the American Heart Association? The American Diabetes Association, for crying out loud! Even my doctor says this is a fad diet. Besides, diets don’t work. Everyone knows that. I’ll just cut back. Get to the gym a bit more. No need to go to extremes. Haven’t you heard? Everything in moderation. I got this.

Stage 2: Anger

Why me? It is freaking unfair. Everyone else can eat whatever they want, but I have to give up everything I like best? Pasta. Potatoes. And pizza? (No effing way am I giving up pizza….) Give up dessert? Chocolate cake and apple strudel and Girl Scout thin mints and Halloween candy? These people are insane.

Stage 3: Bargaining

A few cheat days are  okay, aren’t they? I mean, just a couple of cookies. It was my daughter’s birthday, for crying out loud. You’re being unreasonable. Nothing in life is black and white. Besides, whole grains are supposed to be healthy. And fruit, too. Okay, so I’ll just have the fruit. And I can do that net carb thing. So I can have the sweeteners and the nut flours and make some dessert. I’m doing low carb. Really. Except for these chips. But there’s a game on, I mean c’mon. Be reasonable.

Stage 4: Depression

Low-carb flu sucks. Going out to dinner sucks. And now some idiot tells me I have to be on this way of eating for, like, the rest of my life. I might live longer, but who wants to live longer if you can’t eat food you love?

Stage 5 Acceptance (and Delight!)

Hey, this food isn’t so bad. It’s been days since I’ve had a craving for bread. Or pasta or sugar. And foods are starting to taste better than I ever noticed before. I’m satisfied with less. I don’t find myself needing to snack between meals.

  • …And my pants are starting to feel like I might need to find a belt.
  • …And I don’t need to take naps in the afternoon
  • …And my blood sugar is coming down
  • …And so are my pulse and blood pressure
  • …And I’m getting off some meds I thought I’d be on for the rest of my life
  • … And I’m going broke because I have to buy new clothes.

Remember: Nothing tastes as good as good health feels!